Well, I’m 64!

This past Tuesday was my 64th birthday. I am now 26% as old as the United States. Those of us who are old enough to remember Pinky Lee, Tom Terrific, Heckle and Jeckle, record players and Romper Room are getting fewer and fewer. I am the same age as Lyndon Johnson was when he died. (Didn’t you think he was about 134?)

Anyway, getting back to my 64th birthday; what a fun packed week I had. On Monday I had cataract surgery on my right eye. (Don’t fear. The scheduled surgery on my left eye is not far behind.)

Tuesday I got to fritter away (see how old I am! When was the last time you heard anyone use the phrase “fritter away?”) with the ophthalmologist for my “next day after surgery” review.

Wednesday I spent the morning with Barbara at her orthopedic surgeon’s office for her sixth month post hip replacement surgery check-up and then she got to join me as I went for my semi-annual urologist check-up (she was present for the “entire” exam). And, then we attended the annual visit with my cardiologist.

Yeah, so far age 64 has just been a blast. Quite frankly, I am now firmly convinced that Paul McCartney had to have been very high on something or other when he wrote the song “When I’m 64” way back in 1967. Renting a cottage in the Isle of Wight, my ass. I am pretty sure that if he wrote it today the lyrics would be a little more like this:

(Sung to the tune of “When I’m 64.”)

Now that I’m older. Ears full of hair
It hurts when I pee
Send me Metamucil ‘stead of Valentines
Check my BP. Threw out my spine

Ear aids don’t help me hear when you speak
God my back is sore
Will you still clean me, will you still preen me
I am 64
You are older, too
And if my dentures fit
I can eat with you

I am quite worthless fixing a fuse
Hands shake when I try
You can cut my brisket during dinner time
Sunday morning, hope I’m alive

Putting on suncreen, doing some weed
Who could ask for more
Will you still clean me, will you still preen me
I am 64

Every summer you can take me
For my yearly prostate check, finger in the rear
We can pick a grave
Fake hip and a brand new knee
Can you help me shave?

Post it on Facebook drop me a text
Check my shorts for poo
I am moving better with my walker now
Daily sex my doc won’t allow

Give me some ExLax, prune juice will do
Bowel obstructions suck
Will you still clean me, will you still preen me
I am 64

Can’t wait to see what I have to look forward to “When I’m 65!”