How To Write A Blog – Sort Of

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times fans of this blog have come up to me and asked “Dennis, how does a great writer like yourself (hey, I said they were fans, not great grammarians!!), with an internationally renown blog like “You May Have Hit a Fish,” come up with such interesting and gut splittingly humorous articles like you do, week after week?” Up to this point in time I have been reluctant to disclose the super secret tricks of the trade. But, I suppose, it’s time.

Here is how I go about writing a blog. First I have to decide where I want to write the blog. (This is extremely important. Trust me. I once tried writing in a strip club but all these women kept bothering me and asking me for money. I didn’t get anything written and I lost a few hundred dollars!) I go to the kitchen and get something to eat so that I can think on a full stomach. A food product with a lot of sugar is usually most helpful in getting the brain into working gear. Twinkies, Swedish Fish or leftover, local favorite, “Mitchell’s” ice cream works best.

I then need to get comfortable to do my best thinking about where to go to be creative so I plop myself down in front of the big screen television and put on something brain stimulating like “The Andy Griffith Show” or something on the Game Show Network. After an hour or so of “brain prep,” if I’m not too tired, I will decide to either put the whole thing off until tomorrow or perhaps head over to Starbucks to begin considering what to write about. A lot depends on the weather … like weather or not I feel like writing after all that ice cream and television watching.

So, assuming I have decided to continue with the writing process, at this point I have to come up with a topic that would be interesting to you, the reader. (Ha, ha. I like to amuse myself. I actually have to come up with a topic that would be interesting to me and that I think would be easy to write about!) I do this either by looking through news articles or just making something up, kind of like our presidential candidates do with statistics and their position of the day on any given issue.

By now I am pretty exhausted so, if I am writing at home, I will probably go into the bedroom and take a nap. If I am at Starbucks, I will be ticked off that I am not at home so that I can go into the bedroom and take a nap.

At some point I will actually begin to write an article. But, not until I have checked my e-mail and Facebook accounts. And, I am starting to learn how to use Twitter therefore that, too, needs my immediate attention.

So, now it is time to write the article, almost. First, if I am at Starbucks, I have to get a skinny vanilla latte. If I am at home, I will likely just dig through the refrigerator to see what may have magically popped inside since the last time I checked, ten minutes ago.

Finally, it is REALLY time to write the article, but by now I have forgotten what the topic was that I had previously decided to write about, so I have to come up with something new.

And then I write the blog.

As you can probably guess, this method that we professional writers employ, can be exhausting and extremely fattening. Lately, I have been trying to come up with an easier (and more nutritious) way of keeping my readers entertained. (Ha, ha. There I go amusing myself, again!) I think I have finally found it.

But first, let me tell you about a recent incident that took place in England.

A couple of weeks ago a British governmental agency decided to let its citizens suggest a name for its new, nearly $300 million, polar research ship, by voting on a name on the Internet. The Natural Environment Research Council included a list of names that they had come up with on its website but also provided a space to “write in” a suggestion.

James Hand, a public relations professional and former BBC employee submitted his proposal that ultimately proved to be a national fan favorite. The suggestion was a “Hands” down winner, so to speak. The ship is scheduled to launch in 2019. The research counsel has not yet commented on whether it would bear the winning name, which, by the way, is “Boaty McBoatface!” BOATY McBOATFACE!!! I love it. I, for one, am hoping that they let the peoples’ voices be heard.

The boat-naming contest is right up there with the Internet voting contest that was held by VH1 to determine where singer Taylor Swift would hold a concert. The winner? The Horace Mann School for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing.

And, there are many more examples of the voting populace’s voting intelligence. (See, i.e. the Mountain Dew’s election to choose the name of a new flavor. The winner: “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong.”) Thankfully, Mountain Dew decided to Dew the right thing and didn’t use it.

Is it any wonder that we here in the United States are so proud of the fact that our citizens are given the power to elect our leaders; the people who make decisions for us? What could possibly go wrong?

Given this history, I am thinking about letting my readers suggest and vote on a topic or topics that they would like me to write and comment upon.

So, please, subscribe to this blog (you can find the subscription link on the blog site at: [you may need to scroll down but it is there, about half way down the page, on the right hand side] AND IT’S FREE!) Please leave a comment about how you feel about this and what topic you might suggest.

Come on! It’ll save me time and calories and you’ll get to see your name in a blog!!!